The first wave of jumping spider troops have been deployed for maximum garden security. I wanted to call them my Spider Soldiers, or SS, but I don’t feel comfortable with that because of the historical context. Thanks a lot, Nazis. Killer Guard Bugs will have to do. The KGB are stationed at various posts throughout the garden: all 11 tomato plants (8 thriving, 2 hanging on, 1 in a battle of wills with rosemary…it’s anyone’s game), both plumerias, an immortal spider-plant, and my little lemon tree. Considering the spiders’ tiny size, it’s quite a bit of ground to cover. But each of them has braved some of the meanest flies I’ve ever seen, and I think they are more than capable of securing their perimeter.
The only issue so far is that they are overwhelmingly adorable. Apparently baby jumping spiders can fly- if they release silk and jump, it catches in the wind like a parachute and they float around. It is one of the cutest and most heart-warming things I’ve ever seen. I hope they snap out of that real quickly, because they have a serious job to do. For the good of all, they must become killing machines. Terminators of aphids, whiteflies, gross caterpillars (some caterpillars are okay, the KGB will need training to discern this), and at least an annoying deterrence to larger enemies like rats.
The spiders’ call to action couldn’t have come at a better time- today, I found a dead mouse on my patio. I fear it could be intimidation tactics. I haven’t heard of hawks being anti-tomato, but I wouldn’t put it past them. Also, my neighbors seem nice, but do I really know them that well? No. One teenage boy might already have a bone to pick with me. Recently he skateboarded into my parked car and set off my alarm, which must have looked really stupid. By the time I realized it was my car blaring and went outside, his dad was already yelling at him from their balcony for all to hear. It was clearly embarrassing for him. He apologized and showed me where he flew into my car (no marks, it was totally fine), I asked if he was okay, and I thought we were all good. But now that I’ve seen the dead mouse, I’m not so sure. Hopefully my spiders can ramp up their viciousness ASAP, because the sanctity of our garden has been threatened and they currently seem unlikely to scare off anything with their cuteness.
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