Tomato Diaries

On this day I decided to plant little “living herbs” from the grocery store that I had leftover from the week’s cooking. Mint, basil, rosemary, and thyme. They are already alive, and they look pretty healthy, so hopefully I can keep that going. Upon closer examination though, I did notice that each “little plant” was actually a bunch of little plants with a ton of roots all tangled together way too close. I had flashbacks of my tomatoes lost to overcrowding last year (RIP). To try and combat their inevitable demise, I immediately ripped every plant apart at the roots so they could have their own space and a chance of survival. So far they’re looking good, but it’s only been like twenty minutes, so we’ll see.

Today I also found a little praying mantis on a plant outside- he is so cute! I thought he might be the answer to my newest problem: having some flies I don’t actually need. Why do I have unnecessary flies? Long story short: In an attempt to connect with a student who named his pet tarantula after me (the highest of honors), I decided to get our class a pet jumping spider. However, I accidentally got a pregnant jumping spider- and while you’ll hear no slut shaming from me- when I got her I was certainly not expecting to shoulder the repercussions of her past dalliances. And now I have a bunch of baby jumping spiders. It was probably like seventy, but because they are native to the region- and I don’t want that many- I have already let most of them go. For the sake of science (and because I got emotionally attached), I am keeping some spiders to track their life cycle and compare to the previous generation. I am also hoping some of them will stay and guard my tomatoes from pests. I don’t know if jumping spiders take direction well or have any sense of civic responsibility though, so the idea may flop. I digress.

Flies- they only became a factor a couple days ago when I took a trip to the reptile store after my research indicated that the spiders should be hungry and ready for flightless fruit flies. Turns out they were not. Thanks a lot, internet. Basically, I now have 3-5 disabled fruit flies jumping around in each tiny container with spiderlings that seem completely unaware of them. Instead of hunting the flies, the baby spiders spend all their time struggling to get right-side up after the flies knock them over. I should have also invested in LifeAlert. 

So when I saw the little praying mantis, I got really excited: he’s my favorite kind of bug, and he’s the perfect solution to my fly situation. Unfortunately, when push comes to shove, he does not have the instincts of a predator. He gracefully navigates through the moss, his eyes swivel to scope out all 360° surrounding him, and he defies gravity as he stealthily scales all sides of the little enclosure. But as soon as a fly (who can’t even fly) gets remotely near him, he positively shits himself. He jolts- falling immediately and then scrambling as if he can’t get away fast enough. He is bigger than them, he is cooler than them, and he should be eating all of them. Frankly, it’s embarrassing. I don’t know what part of town these flies came from, but it must be the wrong side. They’re not much to look at, but I can only imagine the taunts and threats they must be unleashing. 

As far as the praying mantis…I don’t know how long it takes for predatory behavior to “kick in” or if it can be taught. He has certainly not been receptive to my mentorship thus far. If he does not conquer at least one fly by tomorrow night, I am going to release him back into the wild and hope that he meets his own personal Mr. Miyagi ASAP. My greatest fear is that these flies could get a taste of praying mantis and become insatiable carnivores. Our world has enough problems as it is.